Is EMDR right for me? Questions to help you decide
Who EMDR tends to help, who might start somewhere else first, the fears people bring to it, and a few questions to ask yourself.
People usually find EMDR one of two ways. Either a friend told them it changed their life, or they read about it online at two in the morning and thought, “Could that be me?” Both are fine reasons to be curious. This guide is for the step after curiosity, when you are trying to decide whether it makes sense for you.
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It is a therapy that helps the brain finish processing painful memories so they stop feeling so raw. During a session you hold a memory in mind while your attention moves back and forth, following my fingers, hearing alternating tones, or feeling gentle taps. If you want the full picture of how a session unfolds, I wrote a walkthrough of what actually happens in an EMDR session. This guide is about whether to start at all.
Who EMDR tends to help
EMDR was built for trauma, and that is still where it fits best. It has the strongest track record for post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, which is when a frightening experience keeps replaying through flashbacks, nightmares, and a constant sense of being on edge.
It tends to help most clearly when there is a specific memory, or a small set of memories, that still carries a charge. A car accident. An assault. A medical emergency. The night you got the phone call. If you can name the thing, and thinking about it still makes your body react years later, EMDR has a clear target to work with.
It is not only for what people think of as “big” trauma. Many people carry memories that seem small on paper, like a humiliating moment in school or a parent’s offhand comment, that still shape how they feel about themselves today. EMDR can work on those too. It is also used for some kinds of anxiety, panic that traces back to a particular event, and grief that has gotten stuck. You can read more about how I approach trauma and PTSD on the specialties page.
Who might start somewhere else first
EMDR is not always the first step, and I want to be honest about when it is not.
If you are in an active crisis, meaning you are thinking about suicide or your life is unstable right now, the first job is safety and steadiness, not memory work. Please call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline if that is where you are. We can come back to EMDR when the ground is more solid.
If big feelings tend to knock you completely off your feet, we will likely spend time on stabilization skills before touching any painful memory. Those are ways to calm and steady yourself that you can rely on. Sometimes that preparation is a session or two, and sometimes it is longer.
If you are hearing this and thinking “so I am not a good candidate,” I want to reframe that. Preparation is not a rejection and it is not a detour. It is the second of EMDR’s eight phases, and every person goes through it. Some people need more of it than others. That is the whole design of the approach, not a sign that something is wrong with you.
The fears people bring
Almost everyone who asks me about EMDR has at least one of these worries. Here is what I can tell you.
“Will I lose control?” No. EMDR is not hypnosis. You stay awake and aware the whole time, and you can stop at any point by raising a hand or simply saying so. You are steering.
“Do I have to describe everything that happened?” No. You need to hold the memory in your own mind, but you do not have to narrate it to me in detail. Many people find this the biggest relief of the whole approach.
“Will it re-traumatize me?” Processing a painful memory is not the same as reliving it. You will feel things, sometimes strongly, but you do it in a controlled setting with someone beside you, and every session ends with time to settle before you leave. The skills from the preparation phase are there for exactly this.
“What if it does not work for me?” It is a fair question, and no therapy works for everyone. If EMDR is not moving things for you, that is information, not failure, and we adjust. I also use CBT and DBT, and the goal is your relief, not loyalty to one method.
“Can I try it on my own?” No. EMDR should only ever be done with a therapist who has been specially trained in it. It is not something to try on your own. Apps and videos that promise EMDR at home skip the preparation and the safety net that make it work.
“Can I do it online?” Yes. EMDR works over video with taps, tones, or an on-screen light bar instead of hand movements. I offer sessions both in person and online, and you can read about that on my about page.
A few questions to ask yourself
You do not need certainty to reach out. But if it helps to think it through, try these:
- Is there a specific memory, or a handful of them, that still makes my body react?
- Have I tried talking about it and found that talking alone did not take the sting out?
- Do I feel steady enough day to day to start looking at hard things, or do I want help getting steadier first?
- Am I willing to feel some discomfort in a session if it means the memory might loosen its grip?
- Would I rather not have to tell someone the whole story out loud?
If you answered yes to most of these, EMDR is worth a conversation. If you answered “I don’t know” to most of them, that is also worth a conversation. Sorting this out is part of my job, not a test you have to pass before the first call.
If you are wondering whether EMDR fits what you are dealing with, I am happy to talk it through with you. There is no pressure to decide anything, and no obligation to continue if it does not feel right.